Memoirs of a One year old

Otherwise titled "You can run faster with no pants on"


Dad made me put on my coat on again. I can't believe it. I love him and all but he is one dense guy. I mean really, is it that hard to see that I DON'T WANT a coat on? I'm kicking, I'm screaming, I'm throwing my head back as if to beseech the heavens and still he doesn't get it. I don't like coats.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like ANYTHING... just stuff they want me to do. Pesky little things like eat and get out of the bathtub and come inside after playing with the puppies and stuff like that. These people are SO hard to train. It's like they don't WANT to learn. I eat when I am hungry, I sleep when I am tired, and I wake up when I am ready to wake up regardless of what time it is.

I just wish they weren't so stinkin quick. Even when I'm fresh and energized right out of the bathtub, I still get snagged before I can make a break for it. But they are getting old and slower. I just have to bide my time. Half way through changing my diaper, I'm getting quick enough to roll completely over, but I just can't seem to get to the ground. Once there, I sure that with out my pants on, I will be unstoppable.

Until then, I must rely on my sneakiness to have any fun here. Even so there are many "why" questions that I am plagued with everyday. Like why is it bad to see what floats in the toilet? I mean aren't they curious too? I'm sure dad is. Or why can't I see if one box of Kleenex can cover the whole floor. I have never been able to satisfy these and many other questions that have been burning inside. But I vow that one day they will be answered. Like I said, they are getting old and I just have to bide my time.

Thoughts of Easter

The darkness shrouds me as I am rasping for breath.

RUN

Thorns and twigs scratch my face as I sprint past them

FASTER

They are gaining. My lungs are burning. My heart is pounding so hard it hurts.

They are getting closer
I feel so heavy.

CLOSER

The high pitched screeches pierce my ears to my soul.
I feel so cold.

CLOSER
CLOSER
CLOSER
RUN FASTER!
I CAN'T
THEY'LL CATCH ME!

RUN!

FASTER!

I trip... I can't move... I can't run anymore..
This weight; its too heavy I can't....energy is gone
hope is gone


no hope

I lie there as they approach from all sides
I can hear their horrible laughing.
I can feel their claws

They spit out the words "The wages of sin is DEATH...."

I
am
going
to...

die?

NO.. Please NO!

What is that???
CHAINS?? WHIPS???

IS THAT A CROSS!?!?!?!

I DON'T WANT TO HANG! NO PLEASE NO!!!

A massive arm drags my limp body to my feet.
They chain me to a rock...

Out of the corner of my eye I see that horrible whip being raised......



"i'm sorry........ so sorry Lord...

I failed..

I deserve this....
i'm so sorry, forgive me.........



i wait for the whip
it never comes.

the laughing and screeching stops

i feel warmth.... warmth? How?
I see Him, He's walking toward me.

With a touch.... the chains are off.
He breaths in my face and my fear is gone, the weight is gone.

ITS
GONE!!!

In his breath I hear a voice commanding, gentle, rock solid, and yet soft, "I forgive you"

I stand, in wonderment, gazing into his eyes...wait.......sadness?

wait.... they are taking Him....WAIT.....THEY ARE CHAINING HIM DOWN.... NO STOP!!!

THE WHIP COMES UP...
AND DOWN TO HIS BACK!

no...

That was supposed to be my back!!

Again the whip cracks. and again and again

again

please stop

Again

not for me.... please

AGAIN

WHY... WHY? DON"T! PLEASE!!

AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!!!

his limp body is unchained and is being dragged to the cross.
They are going to Kill HIM!

His words, I barley hear them through the laughing and screeching of the demons.

But I still hear Him, still soft, gentle....





"Because I Made you and I Love you."





I see them under Him....they are holding a club and a spear..they are arguing, a horribe voice scratches my ears
"ee's awlredy ded, no neaded to brak um, jus give eh a poke see..."
I see the spear head disappear into His side.... He is gone.


Three days go by as I huddle by the fireplace,

what just happened?

My mind is spinning, trying to grasp.... I see a whip flash by... I see the cross with his lifeless body. I see the spear. It should of been me. But I lived... I'm alive.. and He's

"ALIVE!!"

what?

"HE'S ALIVE!!!"

it's not possible... I saw Him DIE.. I WAS THERE! HE DIED! HE WAS TORTURED TO DEATH......
for me..

"I'M TELLING YOU HE IS ALIVE!"

And as if he was always there, he steps forward from the shadows.
I Scream for joy and run to Him.

The voice with the sound of may rivers coming together says, "Yes, I am alive. I have forgiven you. Now go out and tell everyone, I paid the wages of sin for them, just as I have you.

Tell everyone."


John 3:16, For God so love the world that he gave is only begotten Son, that whosoever would believe in him, should not perish but have ever lasting life.




I know it's not easter, but this was on my Heart and was waiting to be written and I didn't want to wait.

Chicken

The other day (yesterday) I went to Kansasdad's house and he said "hey did abby see all the chickens that hatched yet?"

I said no.

So we went to the chicken house with abby and I opened the door held her close to them and they kinda stepped back like "um... she's not a chicken, she doesn't go here." So she couldn't reach them... well I couldn't be having any of that.

So I handed her to kansasdad and grabbed a rhode island red and held it up to her and she grabbed it's head and said "DADADADAD!"

At this point I'm not sure who was more confused - Abby, me, or the chicken.

It was awesome.

Thinking

It seems that my deep thoughts have been lacking of late. Like non-existent lacking. It seems I just either don't have the time, and if I did, I don't have the motivation.

The institute for children's literature thingy is going great. I have three submissions so far, and I actually like what I have written. The first was about two kids at a bus stop that were being followed by an unknown group of people that had malicious intentions. It was kinda wild because I set the story in a way where I kinda got wrapped up in it so much that I didn't know where it was going to end and I hit a point where I was like "AHHH!!! WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT??" and I remembered that I was the one writing it and I could decide.... yeah, whoa.

The next was about a kid and his older brother that were headed for a space station because for whatever reason the earth was being destroyed. I really didn't go in to the reason but dove pretty deep into the thoughts, memories, and feelings that were experienced by the kid that was leaving everything he knew, never to come back, and start a new life somewhere else. That was a neat one.

It's wild to me that students are given around four weeks.
It takes me around an hour for a 1000 word submission. I just take the rest of the time to pick it apart. Take out what I don't like and improve on the working on the stuff that I do.So I guess I could take less time but I'm utilizing the time given.

SO that's where all the stories are going....

now as for the pictures of Abby.... those are coming yet, I just got to get them off of my camera.

She's walking!!

Kinda.
No pictures yet but those will come later.. promise.

I wish there was more to catch up on but really there's not.

Life has slowed way down lately. Work was absolutely nuts for a while, but it's since slowed down. It's nice to get home before dark again. Keeping in mind I do live in Kansas.

Even so, I do find myself driving and seeing a... whatever and think "that's hilarious, I should write about that... but I never do because by the time I get home I totally forget about what I was going to write about. Like today I saw at least 3 road kill armadillos and I remember thinking something that I know made me smile but now I totally forget what it was.

It's not like I can blame it on age but I would like to blame it on something besides my horrible memory.

Anyway she is walking and life is an everchanging good.

Much Ado About Something

I don't have a ton of time so I'll elaborate more on this as time allows so for now..
Speed Catch-up.

Abby is pulling herself up on stuff so nothing knee high is sacred anymore..... Including half full Dr Pepper Cans. (She seems to have developed a taste for that now)

Had to install child locks on all the drawers because she knows EXACTLY which ones she's not supposed to get into.

Puppies are once again free range puppies as chicken dinners are hopefully out of puppy heads. That and it's getting hot enough that during the day they just want to find a shady place and lay in it.... all day long... lazy dogs.

Sold the highpower rifle to buy a cannon of a handgun for snakes. A TAD on the overkill side but hey, that's kinda the point.

Saw the biggest rattlesnake that I have EVER seen crossing and didn't have my gun so I I tried skidding it under the tires but that didn't work cause of the stupid antilock brakes..... stupid brakes. Counted 13 rattles. I carry my gun EVERYWHERE outside now.

let's see... what else?

Joel and Livi and Mom came to visit and Joel shot the hand cannon and I think he liked it. :)
Livi wussied out.
Almost can't blame her, being that the foot pounds of kick were about as much as she weighed. Still, it would of be fun to watch.

Besides that life is kinda hetic with hardly any time to keep friends and family updated so be patient with me in keeping you all informed.

So Hi and Bye.
I'll write soon with details on UNEXAGGERATED (of course) goings on. Not like it's all exciting but that's all a matter of how one would write it.
:)

Fear and Running in Bourbon County

I hate snakes.

HATE

hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate snakes.

Yeah it's almost kinda cool the way the little demons move without legs.
kinda not really

Yeah it's almost kinda cool the colors and stuff.
but not THAT cool

So I'm looking for arrows that missed the target yesterday. I borrowed a metal detector because if they miss they burrow into the ground if they don't hit a rock first. That makes them REALLY hard to find. Out of the four I lost, I found two.
Not terrible.
The two I found were actually in the tall grass a good 30 yards behind the target. So I wondered if there were more out there.

I wish I wouldn't of.

I went out into field to look farther.

I wish I wouldn't of.

I found a mating ball of king snakes.

I really really really really wish I wouldn't of.

I don't know if I screamed like a little girl or not but armed with a metal detector, I really didn't feel adequate to dispatch the slithery ugly spawns of evil. I set a land-speed record as I sprinted to the house, dispelling Einstein's theory of Time slowing down while approaching the speed of light. When I asked beloved rather urgently for the 12 ga shotgun, she didn't see what the big deal was. They were just snakes after all. Might I add that's not what she said when almost hit one with the weed wacker last year. YET i digress.

So here I am, back in the middle of the field, with the shotgun to my shoulder, trying to remember the difference between a king snake, blue racer, and a cotton mouth. I can see the trail I blazed through the grass, either walking out or flying back, and I follow that with the gun shouldered. I was moving somewhat slow to hear the hiss that I heard the first time that made me stop, except for now that there was a steady breeze, and the grasses all around me were making that noise, and kinda upsetting me in the process. I had eight shells with me and at that point I was about ready to use them all because I found where I had seen them earlier, but they weren't there now.

Meaning they weren't there.

Meaning they could be anywhere.

Meaning they could of diabolically creeped around behind me, or surrounded me waiting for the signal or were under my feet right now.

Meaning I wished at that point I had more then one gun and that they were both fully automatic.

So doing my best to aim the gun everywhere at once, which was scary and cool all at the same time, I slowly eased my way back out of the field. Note, I was trying to listen for sound but the wind was in the grass, and I was trying to look for movement but the grass was blowing.

I'm tellin ya if so much as a grasshopper would of tried to surprise me, he would of been vaporized on the spot.

Needless to say I didn't make it out of that field and am now dead.

I hate snakes.

Home, home on the range

I'm old.

or at least I feel old.

I'm gonna be 30 next month.

that calls for a kiku.

I am feeling old
I don't want to be thirty
I am also fat

Depressing, isn't it?

we wanted to weigh abby the night before last, but in order to do that, I had to weigh myself first so we can subtract that from the weight of me holding Abby.

She weighs a wooping 17 pounds.
That's like a trophy bass!

me on the other hand....
lets just say I added around thirty pounds to my pre-married weight.

I HAVE PANTS THAT DONT FIT ANYMORE!!
ME!!!

so it goes.

Now I know that some of you reading this might be a tad older then me, like say a certain mister hohuligan from r-town that reads this but NEVER comments (at least his wife does....love you kathy), are probably thinking something to the effect of "yeah... gee... 30.. whoa... have you picked out your casket yet cause...ya know, yer getting kinda close there."

I never said I was as old as YOU.

Cleaning the garage, changing the oil, fixing stuff....
that what GROWN-UPS are supposed to do.

I can't wait till Abby is old enough to play candyland.
She's mobile now ya know.
Set her down and there she goes.
the best roller west of the mississippi.

I love being able to say that.

"best (insert whatever) west of the mississippi"

Couldn't do that In Illinois, or I guess I could but it wouldn't make much sense. People would look at me and wonder "so..... I don't get it"

west was always cooler then east.
Cowboys always rode off west into the sunset.
No one ever made a cool movie called "How the east was won"
pecos Bill
buffalo Bill
me
west.

Great example:
in the east people raise cows.
in the WEST we have CATTLE.
If a cow came over here he'd probably get made fun of by all the cattle.

"LOOK AT ME I'M A COW!" and then all the cattle would laugh.

by the way: Sage brush is WAY cooler then corn.

But I still feel old.

I put a our new propane grill (christmas present) together.
it was so cool when I turned on the propane and ignited the burner and it worked instead of exploding.
That kinda made my day.... not exploding.

but it made me feel old.

Pretty soon I'll be putting bicycles together, fixing broke toys....

speaking of I guess I already am.

mister glow nose worm did not survive his surgery and had to be put to rest, being that his head wasn't actually made to come off. How else was one supposed to get to the battery? I guess we will never know. Poor mister glow nose worm. We had fun with pushing the button on your back to light your insanely bright LED nose. Rest in pieces.

I love how animated Abby is. When she talks, you could translate the gibberish from the eyebrows alone.

Ya know, west of the Mississippi.....
I see buffalo every day on the way to work
People can wear cowboy hats here and don't look silly
You can wear boots to a formal occasion
you wave to the people on horseback on the drive home.
People wear boots cause they like them, not because they are wannabes

AND....

I wonder if this lashing out is because I'm getting old.
I hear old people do that alot.
they sit on their rocking chairs on their front porches with Ice tea with a shotgun across their lap and complain about the weather, the bugs, the neighbor 5 miles down the road, take random shots at whatever is moving in the tall grass out front... at least that's what I do.

OK- I lied, the neighbors are closer then that.

and that's just about all I feel like writing.

I'm old.
But at least I'm not as old as tim.