Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through this place,
Not a thing was moving except for me, my bat, and a can full of mace.
I crouched by the fireplace with my bat in the air,
Knowing that the same fat burglar soon would be there.

My wife got the 12 gauge, and Double 00 buckshot to boot.
Ready to pull the trigger on the guy stealing the loot.
With my daughter and wife safe in the back room,
If he made it that far, she’d make it go boom.

Keeping my vigil, awake through the night.
I’m rubbing my eyes so as not to lose sight,
I listen real close and hear that same noise,
The same bells as last year when he got away with my toys.

Then through my wandering Winchester .270 scope did I peer,
To see that same fat guy, (the one with the white beard)
Looting and pillaging from house to house with his deer,
I decide I have to stop him right now and right here.

As I aim for his deer and squeeze off a round, then four and then eight,
I see pictures of red nosed Christmas dinner, so perfect on my plate.
Down went Dasher and Dancer, bull’s-eye Prancer and Vixen! Nailed Comet,
(reload)
Got cupid. There went Donner and Blitzen!


As I watched the sleigh go down, I knew I'd not finished the fight,
For through the scope, indeed the fatty wasn’t in sight
I put the gun down and went for the mace and the bat,
For I doubted the old fart would go down as easy as that.

For the rest of the night by the chimney I rested,
Hoping this time the enemy was bested.
Hearing the shot’s, my wife then crept out.
Asked if it was safe and then we heard him shout:

You got my sleigh, all my deer, even my red nosed fawn,
But next year I’ll be back without the bells on.

So now so safe and so sound, tucked in after that fright,
Merry Christmas to all, without Santa in sight.