I'm writing out of personal obligation right now. I really need to update family and friends more of the happenings around here.
It's just that nothing happens here.
So to fake something new, here is a news headline:
The Bourbon County Times reports:
Turtle crosses road, chicken farmers everywhere revolt at attention it brings-
This week residents of Bourbon County were given a special treat. A turtle crossed the road making him an instant celebrity.
"Twas sumpthin else" a bystander said. "I wuz glad I wuz thair ta seeit".
Onlookers christened the crazy crawler as "speedy". The one way trip was made in just under 13 hours.
"wuz the most excitement I'd had in a long time. Ol' speedy had me riveted fer the whole time"
Not everyone was ecstatic though; local chicken farmers had their feathers ruffled. "Our stock had been doin that fer ever and we don't get no parade!" New jokes are forming also on the poultry side of lane. An angry hired hand had this to say: "Why did the chicken cross the road? TO KICK THAT TURTLE IN THE KEISTER!"
Fans of the turtle are a little miffed at the jealously and aren't afraid to dredge up some old dirt on the farmers. "[The farmers] haven't been free from scandal since the infamous "which came first" egg incident last year and cant be taken seriously.
In the meantime, the excitement continues on Indian Road as it seems that the turtle forgot something and had turned around to re-cross the road.
"It's all a little too much excitement for me." A resident teen mentioned. "I feel like totally a little overloaded. Like when he stopped for a little and then started again... Like.. wow. I almost like totally fainted and stuff" The resident then said she would go for a nap and be back later to watch the spectacle.
A local Sherif stated "People haven't been this excited since the possom incident of 53" referring to a happenstance involving an opossum, an accordion, a welding torch, and 52' chevy. "It took a month to sort that one out. Our main focus here, though, is crowd control."
Being the turtle had changed directions and headed back around 8 this evening, road crews have been putting up spotlights as so the crowd could watch the spectacle.
Astonished onlookers continue to be dazzled by speedy, as the excitement continues to climax as he reaches the halfway point.
"He hasn't moved in an hour" a self appointed official spokesman for the turtle has said. "I think he fell asleep."
So the anticipation is high and is holding while we all watch at wait for speedy to wake up and continue.
